Doctor: “Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?”
Nurse: “No change yet.”

Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.

Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.

The first nurse said, “I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven.” St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

The second nurse says, “I worked in an operating room. It’s a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard.” St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

The third nurse says, “I was a case manager for an HMO.”

St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse’s file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, “Congratulations! You’ve been admitted to heaven … for five days!”

This is true: The patient was being extubated. The unit clerk asked “What time was the patient excevated?”

This is a true story, I was receiving report one night and the other nurse was going over the reasons why the patient’s was being monitored and when we gave report on the last patient she stated ” This person is on contact percaution no complaints offered I monitored for any s/s and or changes in status but I did not “see diff” this shift. The patient was on percautions for C-diff

I was going home from my over night shift and as I was entering the elevator a nurse yells out fron the desk we’re short, I yelled back just before the elevator closed I ” Iam tall”

My daughter asked me ” Mommy do you get to sit do at work?” I said yeah, ” she said where?” I said @ the nurses station, she said, ” Do they sell gas there?” I said no the gas there is free

What is the difference between God and a Doctor————God knowns he’s not a doctor.

What is a nurse’s idea of heaven?————-A full stomach and an empty bladder at the same time.

Why did the charge nurse call down to the nursing office when she had a hard time reading the progress notes.
Because she needed a nurse with “super vision” to read it.

When the supervisor called a code, Diana was the ” first aid” to respond

The supervisor told the nurse to take a TO (telephone order) the nurse grabbed her bags and said good I need time off

Why did the nusre go from full time to parttime?
she thought she would only have to work 4 hour shifts
( this is a nursing home joke)

the family was having dinner one night. i started to tell them about a patient with kidney failure. my 7 year old daughter said “mommy please!” i asked “what’s wrong?” she said well, that’s just really gross and kinda sad. i asked if she even knew what the kidneys were…. she said “of course i do!” then she lifted her knee and said “the kid knees! these are the kid knees!”